exotic daydreams
I don't know when I started daydreaming.
Sometimes I intentionally pay attention to world, but most of the time I am daydreaming. My body is here but my thoughts are distant.
Growing up, I was a weird kid. If my poor English or lack of knowledge around American pop culture didn't set me apart, my spacey nature sure did. My thoughts were just fundamentally exotic.
It has gotten better since I left high school, but I think part of it is that I interact with less people at my own pace. When I am caught in group situations with strangers who share some culture, I often panic.
Part of it is likely my own perception of myself as "exotic". I was labeled as an outcast for so long growing up that I became used to the label. Now I often make up reasons for not being part of a group, many of them absurd. I'm the only trans woman, the only immigrant, the only one who uses Linux? My daydreams become nightmares.
Really, I think it's kinda silly. Identities are multi-faceted. There is no one like me, but there is no one like you either. Yet here you are, reading this strange post by a strange woman.
Then perhaps... is it normal to feel strange?