if writing changes me, let it change me for the better
And most importantly, when I’m on my death bed 50+ years from now, I will remember writing my novel. [...] I will remember the story I created. It’s a part of me.
- Matt Lakeman in "Thoughts on Meaning and Writing"
Tonight, I read tiramisu's latest post on not worrying about being original when blogging and went through some of the links he had. Although I had read aco's post on fruitcakes which inspired tiramisu's post, it didn't resonate with me initially. Was it a matter of timing? Or perhaps I'm not as attuned to aco's thoughts as I am to tiramisu's? Either way, my reaction to his post actually perfectly confirms the key point of the post itself: to blog even something you consider "unoriginal", as your perspective is more valuable than it seems.
In reading through the links, I remembered one reason I continue to write: writing changes you. The stories you tell become a part of you, they form your conception of yourself. Sometimes, I get insight into a personal narrative as it is reflected in a movie or a book and adopt that story for myself. However, writing my own life and thoughts into a coherent story feels like a deeper experience and something that I remember so much more.
The period around Christmas has been increasingly hard for me in the past couple years. I talked about my issues with my therapist and she asked me whether I could recall any positive experiences around the holidays and I froze. A series of traumatic images flashed in my mind, years of accumulated conflict and tears. Then, slowly, gradually, I started recalling some nice moments with my family, with my friends, and with myself.
I realized that the traumatic images are all events in the story I've been telling myself. These truly were important events in my life and have affected me deeply. Nevertheless, they do not define me. I refuse to let my past put blinders on my present. It's time for me to take hold of my story. If writing changes me, then let it change me for the better.
So I want to explore more of those positive moments within my writing. In exploring trauma, let me see how to move beyond it. When looking back on a day, let me focus on those little hidden moments with meaning. Let me see the best in people, including myself.
If there are so many perspectives on the world, I want to see the most beautiful one.