I have this rule for myself: whenever two people independently recommend me something, I make sure to follow up on it. Recently, it happened for a therapy practice.
intro to parts work
Last week, I met a woman at work who I really admire. She was open about her struggles but it felt like she had her life and career figured out. I wanted to be like her. I got a chance to chat with her about her experience. She clarified that she still struggles with meaning and processing herself. "Don't trust the people that say they've got it figured out, because nobody really has it figured out," she said. Strangely, this comforted me and also helped me trust her more.
She told me that in one therapy session, she was able to visualize all the parts of herself in a uncomfortably small cave. There was a raging bull, some aspects that were scared of different things, and many other parts. First, she made the cave bigger so that there was breathing room for everyone. Second, she listened to each part to see what it wanted and how it fit in with everything else. It helped her understand the tensions within herself and accept them.
I was quite amazed and inspired to hear all of this. About a year ago, someone else told me about something very similar called "part work" therapy. I was quite skeptical of it then, there is definitely some weird pseudoscience floating around the therapy world. Still, upon hearing it again, I was curious to dive in deeper.
As far as I could tell, the authoritative book on this is Parts Work by Tom Holmes, Sharon Eckstein, and Lauri Holmes. I bought it and started reading. Parts Work sets up an internal world of characters for your mind. You personify each part of yourself and then examine the tensions in who takes the stage and what happens. It's quite fun! I have many conflicting desires and it has been helpful in pinning them all down.
different parts of myself
Here, I thought it'd be fun to share some different parts of myself I've found.
performer
This part is really anxious within group conversations. It feels most comfortable alone on the stage, or scripted in the stage. It cares a lot about how it's being perceived, especially about getting content across.
teenage girl
This is a human coming to terms with her feminity. She's experimenting with her presentation, anxious about how people perceive her, but also being nonchalant about it to try to seem cool and not desperate. It's ... alright. I am excited to be connected with this part, and it's natural to experience growth over time. I must mature.
anarchist
This part is like Jules in Euphoria, maybe also a bit like Elliot in Mr. Robot. I'm not a big fan of the systems that we operate in and I often end up being an anarchist. This shows up mostly in my use of technology, although I've started to take an anarchist view of gender and bigger concepts lately. I definitely admire this part, but left unchecked it will have me live in a commune in the woods / on a ship away from society.
idealist
It is a yearning for a better world for all of us and feeling that it is achievable. This has driven me to build a medical device startup with my friends. It's also driven me away from working in a big tech company or any other kind of job that I find morally dubious. I do respect the people that work there and I do understand that we need to earn money to survive in this society. Yet, this part somehow cannot accept the tradeoff of hurting people to make money. I don't know, does value really have to come at the expense of others?
archivist
I'm constantly afraid that all my memories will disappear if I don't write them all down constantly. This is especially true for scientific talks, where I feel like I need to write them to even process them. However, this manifests in my life as having a screenshot taken of my laptop automatically every 10 minutes, to have a record of what I'm up to. The frustrating thing is that I'm both right and wrong. It is true that my memory is quite bad, I can look back on something I wrote from a few months ago or a picture and be in awe at the difference in my state of mind. I do forget things so easily! But then again, there are many things that I can still remember without hing them written them down: those especially happy or sad memories, where I felt some particularly strong emotions.
scientist
This part is endlessly curious about the world, about the people and animals within it. It's how I got to be in my current job and I am very thankful for that. In the past, it has led me a little astray in terms of conversations, as I can just start asking people about their past without thought of their current experience. I learned to reign this part in for respect. It can also get quite obsessive, in a way that's not wholly productive.
explorer
This is a bit of a risk-taker aspect of myself. I want to explore the world, take some risks in my projects. This part would have me try out new things, to explore. It justified this for a while that this could provide "writing material" for the future, but I think on some level it just wanted to have new experiences.
therapist
This part of me has dramatically expanded in the last 10 years. It is a part that listens without judgment and helps process things. Sometimes it's helpful processing my own trauma and at other times it helps others. I think it's a really great part, but I can tell if it comes out for too long it can get tiring for all involved. Most people don't want to continuously process their trauma in a friendly hangout. Like come on Lili, we're watching a stupid movie, this isn't some deep allegory for how the system is messing us up and an exploration of our identity.
caretaker
This part comes out with my cat and my brother, and my friends when they're drunk and I'm not. This part has a genuine desire to make everyone around me happy. It comes out at work in terms of mentoring people and making sure that they learn skills, are satisfied with their work, and feel supported generally. This part of myself has helped build communities up in healthy ways. This is probably my favorite part of myself. Lately it has been clouded as I receded inward due to the snake part getting so much attention. I think that's good to some extent, at its worst this part can prioritize other people's wellbeing too much above my own, and nobody actually wants that.